Planning a wedding

Planning a wedding can be simple or complicated, cheap or expensive, formal or informal, and planned by individuals or by professionals. The decision is usually based on time, money and tradition. In some families wedding planning is a traditional family undertaking (think "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"), while in others a wedding consultant is deemed far more practical. Because so many of todays brides have demanding jobs, and so do their mothers, it is sometimes difficult to find the time for planning. Todays grooms are also far more involved in the process than ever before, and sometimes the couple are located far from their families. Then, throw both family's opinions and traditions into the mix and you can have World War Three simmering on the back burner! The best way to keep things on track is to have a plan. Although the parents may be paying for the wedding or contributing to it, it's important for the bride and groom to have the wedding they want, as long as it's within the budget and not so controversial that the family would object. If a couple want a wedding they know their families would oppose, they need to be prepared to plan and pay for it themselves.

Today's couples have the huge advantage of the internet and wedding planning software. The software can range from free to costly, but it will allow the couple to more easily stay within a budget and more realistically recognize the numerous items they need to consider. The first thing they should do, before or after announcing their engagement is to decide the basics. The main one will be the budget and who is paying for what. That can be one of the most difficult steps in planning, but it is the most important. It should be done from a practical point of view and not an emotional one. Going deeply into debt for a wedding is getting off on the wrong foot for both the couple and their parents. Resentments can linger and cause pressure on new relationships.. In the end, it should be a joyful day, and that isn't dependent on money, weather, guests or location. If the couple and their families keep that as their major focus, the rest will fall into place.

Once the budget is determined, the next step is to shop around for everything. The internet makes that much easier too. Check out the options for the location you choose. Where will you hold the wedding? Where will the reception be held? Many venues are planned far in advance and if your wedding is going to be soon, it may eliminate some possibilities. Don't stress over that unless it was your dream to get married at the zoo, or the botantical gardens, or in a spot that is very popular with lots of couples. If that's the case, you may be disappointed or need to schedule the wedding far in advance. Otherwise, it's a matter of practicality. What can you afford and what is available? It isn't necessary to book the country club if it's not in your budget, a tent in the park can work too. Whatever you decide, get the details locked up and in writing. Then, consider the worse case scenarios. What if the building burned down? What if the weather was terrible and the reception hall lost power? What if the wedding dress was damaged? Not that any of those things will happen...but they have! If you have alternative plans you will be much more prepared and much less stressed. Actually, those are details one of the parents can handle. Someone should be in charge of planning for alternatives. That's where a bridal consultant can be invaluable. Experienced wedding planners have seen it all.

Next up, determine who the attendants will be. This can be difficult because things can change. Bridesmaids can get pregnant and not be available, flower girls can break a leg just before the wedding, groomsmen can be sent overseas for military obligations, etc. Again...have alternatives. Some of your closest friends may not be able to afford to participate, and you need to be very understanding of that. There are transportation costs to consider, clothing expenses, etc. If that is an issue, try to allow them to be involved in some other way, and don't make them feel guilty. Speaking of guilt, sometimes there will be pressure on either the bride or groom to include someone in the bridal party that would make either the bride or groom uncomfortable. Perhaps it's someone they don't know well, such as a relative that expects to be included. Maybe it's someone they don't like or they feel would be too young, or too old, someone with a history of undependability, or instability. In any case, the bride and groom need to speak up right away and make their wishes known, while remaining tactful. Again, perhaps there is another duty that can be assigned to that person. The main thing the couple should remember is not to be pressured into something they will regret. Stand firm.

After those issues have been resoved, it's a matter of "Shop, Shop, Shop!" Many women or men like that, and others don't. If you don't like it, maybe your soon to be spouse does. If they don't, a mother or sister is bound to be interested. What they can do is present choices, based on the couples stated interests. They can give their opinion, but the final one must be based on the couples taste and budget. Always keep the budget in mind, unless money is no object. There will be decisions to be made about music, food, alcohol (or not), favors, decorations, flowers, cake, the dress, the tux (or not), the time of the wedding and reception, hotels for guests, invitations, etc.

Once all the details are planned, the next occasions will be bridal showers. Because men are sometimes involved, they can also be called wedding showers or couples showers. Tradition goes out the window here. Any person can throw a bridal shower. It can be a relative, friend, co-worker, etc.

Written by Judith Cheney on Knol